Employment

Meow everyone! Sorry I have been remised and not keeping everyone updated, but I have an excuse!  I have been hiding under the bed and in the closet, which by the way is still my favorite spot or anywhere I can find. Mom has been acting totally weird, playing very loud music, singing (sounds worse than 10 neighbor cats in heat). I think the music is called Motown.  It hurts my ears to listen, so I stopped and have been hiding out.  I am hoping for my peace and solitude again soon.  So I will let mom explain her actions to you and to me this week. 

Hi everyone.  Most of you have heard that I recently accepted a new job.  This comes after 2 months of unemployment and I consider myself very fortunate especially in this economy.  This entire process has been an interesting experience.  It has been about 6 years since I had to seek employment, and in that time the process has certainly changed.   There are still the standards of providing a cover letter, resume, and references. The interview itself is always challenging.  So I completed those hurdles, an offer is made and accepted.  SWEET! I am done.  WRONG!  In my case was only getting started. There is a mass of forms to be completed, a background check, drug screening, and verification to work in the US (notarization required). 

For the drug test I drove to a medical building.  There is a small waiting area, enough room for two chairs and I give the tech the paperwork telling her it is for a new job. Since the tech was the only one present, I figured it would not take too long.  After about 10 minutes, I hear from the tech say “OK”.  I don’t move.  I hear the tech say again “Ooo Kkkkk”. Now I don’t have any idea that she was actually calling me to come in, she could have been on the phone, talking with a coworker, I didn’t know.  Finally I hear “Nancy”.  She asked me where I went, she was calling me.  Who knew? In a militaristic voice (not joking) she ordered me to put my purse down and asked if there were anything in my pockets.  Anyone who knows me knows that there are more things in my pockets than in my purse.  I told her that this drug test is for a new job.  That did not faze her, as far as she was concerned I was a recently released parolee. She ordered me to empty my pockets and put everything in my purse, this included pulling the pockets out proving to her satisfaction that pockets were empty.  This lab tech if she ever wanted to change careers would be great in Quality Assurance.  Then she had me wash my hands, gave me a cup with a line on it.  Of course the instruction was you need to go up to the line.  As I was about to enter her final instructions were not to flush the toilet, not to wash my hands when I was done. Come out with the cup for further instructions.  By now I am laughing to myself and praying that I won’t have performance issues and wishing I was a guy. It would be so much easier.  Mission accomplished and very proudly handed her my cup.  She ordered me to wash my hands again and sign three sets of documents.  I was a little disappointed that I did not receive a Lindsey Lohan or Paris Hilton button but I did pass the test.

Next stop was the bank to prove that I am an authorized citizen to work in the USA.  I handed the notary the forms (2 pages) along with my passport.  He started to read forms, I of course wanted to expedite the process and volunteered “you stamp here and sign there”.  He continued to read.  In the course of the reading he asked me where my offer letter was.  “Why do you need to see that?” I asked naively. “ I need your date of hire.” Again trying to be helpful I said it is 4 October.  Nope I need proof.  So I drove home got the offer letter.  My banker buddy completed the forms. 

Next week, I am off to Philly for training and for the first time Sophie will be without me for a week.  Good luck Mindy. When I get back, I am sure Sophie will download to all of us her adventures.